If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it

hi there
its been so long, hasn't it? with twitter, it almost feels as if i can cheat myself out of updating

a simple review of things
- went to chicago and had a grand time with mom and brother. it was great seeing the art institute, seeing where my brother lived, eating really good food, going on boat tours, and basically roaming the city. wish i could have been there longer
- on and off working at the colors and materials lab at school and participating in an amazing colors, materials & finishes workshop. attempting to re-work a chair i did last term. really enjoying it
-reading books, obsessing over shows online
-listening to a lot of philip glass
-watching a lot of small documentaries
-seeing friends here and there
-assisting in a design process class at school. i didn't think i'd enjoy it so much as i do.
-heading to guatemala in august for an art center/cal tech joint project. our group has been preparing for it.

what else
just trying to be productive- but really enjoying myself- this break. a time to re-examine things. feeling a lot of gratitude

i heard
a quote on some silly show which went "there isn't a right or wrong, but only the consequences of your actions" and for some reason, i keep thinking about this.

yesterday
i went to see jennie in santa monica and to visit her new home. So quaint and perfect for her. it suits her well. walked to urth cafe and had a really delicious vegetable salad and a tea latte. gloomy weather was nice

today
i attempted the rose bowl but was intimidated by the crowds. went to school for some unfinished business, and went to a record store down colorado which i've always wanted to check out. loved it. purchased Koyaanisqatsi by philip glass (again, current obsession). i know a lot of people don't like glass much- but his music rings really true to me. and its so beautiful, really

some documentarries i've watched
glass: portrait in 12 parts
49 up
dear zachary
iconoclast- season 4
seoul train
snuff (but had to stop halfway b/c it was horrible)
fast, cheap, & out of control
a certain kind of death
blindsight
forgiving dr. mengele
this american life season 1

things of fiction
i've also watched several very shitty movies- those of which i fail to recall. however, i did manage to watch all two seasons of californication- and this show deserves full praise. i think a great tv show is hard to come by, and i give full respect for people who make this happen. entertaining is hard. which brings me to comedy. i love comedians, and have been listening to some richard pryor. his wiki bio is mind boggling.

hm
wish i were more disciplined, like my brother

last few words
i've been dreaming of a long drive somewhere- perhaps myself. we'll see

Now you are here, at 7:43. Now you are here, at 7:44. Now you are...

happy things recently
a beautiful breakfast with wakako overlooking the grandest view ever!
having k come back from sf
having time!
seeing L every week- and also being able to work on fun personal side projects together
being able to read leisurely
the evening breeze

bits and pieces
everything is becoming slightly more clear. i feel like some of my priorities are changing. im glad im taking this term off- i am at school here and there- but i have more time to explore other possibilities.

also
been reading a new book by T. Ferriss and happy at the synchronization between the content of the book and today's podcast by martini shot on KCRW. why are wise words always the most obvious?

They're all the leads of their own stories.
They have to be given their due.

yesterday
went bday/moms day shopping and caught up with S over peruvian food, and had happy hour drinks with J in Brea.

and
today is my mom's birthday

also
my legs are killing me. i overexerted myself at the gym yesterday

so watch me. watch my heart break

Lust, Caution
didn't do much today except watch Lust, Caution by Ang Lee. Most definitely a NC-17 deserved movie, and quite possibly the most graphic yet sexiest espionage film i've ever seen. but still- i think its worth watching. a good movie about love, sex, and loyalty. if you can get over how graphic it is- its a beautifully made movie and so tragic.

also
went to step class today. it was really hard because i hadn't gone for so long.

and
i got a call from my brother who is requesting a dead bumblebee. where can i get one of those?

.
its really nice out tonight

think how you'll miss her

Synecdoche, New York (2008)

Minister: "Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you'll never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved. And the truth is I'm so angry and the truth is I'm so fucking sad, and the truth is I've been so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long have been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own, and their own is too overwhelming to allow them to listen to or care about mine. Well, fuck everybody. Amen."

you can't make everyone happy

hi there

just came back from short weekend in sf

lists of things i've been doing

reading (started a new book, "the story of edgar sawtelle")

watching movies 

obsessing over gregory house

sleeping really late and waking up really late (not normal)

a bit of running (more 'thinking' about running)

conjuring up personal sewing and illustration projects 

chatting with friends

cleaning & organizing

contemplating what i am doing with life (ha)

other things

happy, but also in the state of perpetual melancholy (this is possible) the time in between terms is always relaxing, but places me in a state of emotional hysteria- as i am given plenty of time to spend with me and myself. there is a whole variety of things that keeps me up- a bouquet of psychosis. sometimes i deal with myself better when i am engaged in some goal-oriented activity- easy to sort things through that way, but also not always so nourishing.

strange

(recently) i can't bear to lay in bed awake for sleep to take me over. so instead, i stay up doing all sorts of unnecessary and futile things till my eyes can't keep open. 

tomorrow

a short hike and lunch with L

things i am looking forward to

chicago to see my brother, start of school, and the activities that la offers during the summer

And today I know who you are
But tomorrow this space will make us other so

the big week and after
it was a tough week. there's almost always something you wished you had done better or made better choices with. sometimes, you have to let it go, and let things be the way it is. but i did my best and tried really hard. im happy with the results of what i've learned

friday & saturday
went to the grad show (art center turns into an unrecognizable place- in a good way), hung out with friends, had lunches, had drinks, saw school people in non-school environments. etc. its a whole weekend of celebratory events.

first week off
slowly slowly cleaning and hanging out with friends. reading, and still watching more House episodes

yesterday
assisted nova from london with her styling of 'the gossip' music video. it was fun and stressful (i think i threaded 30 needles) and a lot more enjoyable (it seems) when your neck isn't on the line. it was also interesting to be part of the styling department as opposed to the art department. it requires dealing with more people and a variety of crazy personalities which makes it fun and unpredictable. the song was awesome, everyone was so sweet, craft services ruled, and got to meet a really amazing la based designer i've been following for several years. yesterday reminded me how awesome set/costume designing could be, but also how stressful and tiring it is. it was a full 17 hours of work and partying afterwards.


other things
still a large list of things that need to be done. and more play with J&J today and C tomorrow. and the weather is better.