Now you are here, at 7:43. Now you are here, at 7:44. Now you are...

happy things recently
a beautiful breakfast with wakako overlooking the grandest view ever!
having k come back from sf
having time!
seeing L every week- and also being able to work on fun personal side projects together
being able to read leisurely
the evening breeze

bits and pieces
everything is becoming slightly more clear. i feel like some of my priorities are changing. im glad im taking this term off- i am at school here and there- but i have more time to explore other possibilities.

also
been reading a new book by T. Ferriss and happy at the synchronization between the content of the book and today's podcast by martini shot on KCRW. why are wise words always the most obvious?

They're all the leads of their own stories.
They have to be given their due.

yesterday
went bday/moms day shopping and caught up with S over peruvian food, and had happy hour drinks with J in Brea.

and
today is my mom's birthday

also
my legs are killing me. i overexerted myself at the gym yesterday

so watch me. watch my heart break

Lust, Caution
didn't do much today except watch Lust, Caution by Ang Lee. Most definitely a NC-17 deserved movie, and quite possibly the most graphic yet sexiest espionage film i've ever seen. but still- i think its worth watching. a good movie about love, sex, and loyalty. if you can get over how graphic it is- its a beautifully made movie and so tragic.

also
went to step class today. it was really hard because i hadn't gone for so long.

and
i got a call from my brother who is requesting a dead bumblebee. where can i get one of those?

.
its really nice out tonight

think how you'll miss her

Synecdoche, New York (2008)

Minister: "Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you'll never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved. And the truth is I'm so angry and the truth is I'm so fucking sad, and the truth is I've been so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long have been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own, and their own is too overwhelming to allow them to listen to or care about mine. Well, fuck everybody. Amen."

you can't make everyone happy

hi there

just came back from short weekend in sf

lists of things i've been doing

reading (started a new book, "the story of edgar sawtelle")

watching movies 

obsessing over gregory house

sleeping really late and waking up really late (not normal)

a bit of running (more 'thinking' about running)

conjuring up personal sewing and illustration projects 

chatting with friends

cleaning & organizing

contemplating what i am doing with life (ha)

other things

happy, but also in the state of perpetual melancholy (this is possible) the time in between terms is always relaxing, but places me in a state of emotional hysteria- as i am given plenty of time to spend with me and myself. there is a whole variety of things that keeps me up- a bouquet of psychosis. sometimes i deal with myself better when i am engaged in some goal-oriented activity- easy to sort things through that way, but also not always so nourishing.

strange

(recently) i can't bear to lay in bed awake for sleep to take me over. so instead, i stay up doing all sorts of unnecessary and futile things till my eyes can't keep open. 

tomorrow

a short hike and lunch with L

things i am looking forward to

chicago to see my brother, start of school, and the activities that la offers during the summer