once again in the world of twelve hundred feelings. all in electric lights we see what we can

san francisco

fun! no matter how many times i go, its always very different, especially when traveling with new people. i danced a lot one night. and it felt so great.

the day before january 12

i spent time with S. chatting about the frivolities of everyday life - like boys, steakhouses and facebook. but also, not so frivolous things, like the repercussions that come with losing a dad. also spent time with K and his bf D. we had boiling crab, watched monk, and went to see bride wars. it was too girly, even for k. 

the night before january 12

tomorrow school starts. the feeling is unlike any other "first days" at the various schools i've attended. my life drastically changes again once tomorrow starts. i am excited, so very scared, and in much anticipation for whats to come. i hope it goes well, and i learn as much as i learned this past term. 

a list of things i am scared about

not sleeping, being completely unhealthy and living off my vices (there are tons), being lonely (since seeing close friends is a rarity), the mess i create, being behind, getting caught up in all the craziness and not listening to myself, indecision, extreme stress (and becoming a person i don't recognize due to the emotional extremities), ability to perform, failing, failing failing (myself).

a list of things i am excited about

learning new things, new instructors, meeting new people, new inspirations, the adrenalin, the anticipation of new experiences, improvements, connections, finding out whether or not i can learn and utilize what i've learned from past mistakes, seeing old friends, strong decisions, creativity, extreme talent (and learning from them), conversation, seeing the amazing things people come up with, seeing what i come up with, the feeling of working hard and getting results, the feeling of failing but failing better, being happy with my work.

this list made me feel better. 

watching

the diving bell and the butterfly before bed. 

tumblr

my tumblr and its collection of images, videos, quotes, and music. a compilation of things i love (aimless and unsystematic). i like this because its a good reflection of who i am and how i feel (at that specific time and day) through the work of other people (mostly). i am trying not to overlap the contents so much. this is one of my goals for 2009. diligence in documenting digitally and also through a separate sketchbook. well, here goes it: notes for future lovers