the last night that she lived, it was a common night, except the dying

(cori kindred)

bad days and gloomy skies

i had a good day. but bad days and stress bring out the monsters from inside the closet. This frightens me. these days, i am secretly and unyieldingly emotional and this thick skin has become overly aware and porous to the uncontrollable frustrations, snide remarks, and painful silences made by all monsters at bay. it hurts my heart, just a bit. maybe i too, have been guilty of the same. and immediately i feel remorse and guilt from my lack of empathy, patience, and love- and really, this does eat me up at night. thwarted perceptions and my misunderstanding of people frightens me a bit. the expected becomes so unexpected and reinforces things about myself and my judgments that give me shudders. i'm not sure what to think anymore. people change and unchange. people are kind and unkind. people love and unlove. people hate and unhate. or perhaps they don't. maybe they have never been one or the other.